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Section: Walking In The Faith
Category: Personal Testimony
The Meaning Of A Broken Heart
What does it mean to say you're sorry? Does it mean you regret having been caught, having been embarrassed, or do you regret the pain you've caused? Does saying your sorry simply mean you wish things could be different, but they can't so the other person should just move on? Does it mean you truly intend to change?

I've had to seek out the meaning of saying I'm sorry when it comes to sins in my past. Does telling God I'm sorry mean I regret having made a bad decision, or does it mean I intend to change the old habits? If you say you're sorry and repeat the same mistakes time and again, how sorry can you really be?

To repent and repeat shows the lack of a broken heart, and I know that God wants a broken heart. I know mine isn't there yet, or I wouldn't continue to struggle from time to time. If I truly understood what it was to be broken I'd cry every time a thought that offended my Lord even crossed my mind. That is what I want though, to be so thoroughly broken-hearted that the idea of sin becomes repugnant to me. In the 51st Psalm David captures the essence of a broken and contrite heart:

Ps 51:1-17
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
(from New International Version)

This is what I want: A heart so unfailingly broken that only the strength of God can keep me moving.

Lord, I'm sorry for my unmitigated gall in endlessly tempting Your grace. I have trampled upon your Love endless times, tossing aside the blessings You had for me in pursuit of temporary pleasures destined to destruction and desperation. I have been a wandering child, seeking my own way and my own futile happiness. Let all here witness my promise to seek after You at all cost. Break my heart and leave me seeking after You alone, solely dependent upon You for my strength and hope. Lord, you are gracious and loving, more than I have ever deserved. Thank You for Your unending grace, Your infinite pursuit of this wayward child. I will sing Your praises, for You are greatly to be praised, worthy of all my exultations, and infinitely more.

I'm constantly reminded that weakness is not, in itself, a death sentence, so long as we remember that in those moments it's God's true strength that should sustain us. He says His strength is made perfect in weakness, but only the kind of weakness that admits its need for a sustainer. I would be undoubtedly lost if it were not for that strength which tells me every time I fall that the only thing to do is get up, turn my eyes upon Christ and be lifted from the crashing waves to walk upon the water once more.
Date of Submission: 2007-12-17 11:12:37